Tuesday, 31 August 2010

I am a driving God- Richard Hammond


Thick kids usually pass their driving test on the first time, I've been told. Clever kids aren't as capable to drive, because they see everything in black and white. Its just the way their minds are programmed to function.
So where does that leave me? I'm not a future Oxbridge graduate whose intellectuality soars through my veins. Yet, I'd like to believe I'm not the thickest kid on the block.

I started off my driving test by trapping my seat belt in the car door.Smooth. Thankfully, the large unpleasant man was walking around to the other side of the car. In the meantime, i made the smooth James Bond-esque move to untrap the seat belt and close the door. The man got into the car,well more like squished and squeezed into the car, not to mention the pressure he exerted on his side of the vehicle. I would have appreciated a smile, just one- but that soon became obvious that smiles took a backseat in this particular middle aged gentleman's life. This realisation caused me to grip the steering wheel in complete terror. Never in my life had i been more petrified of being assessed. In fact i had always been one of those eerily calm ones, that didn't give a shit at all. Yet this donut lover had my sanity in his hands.

My driving instructor had initially made me practise on all the test routes in Morden, except one which had roadworks going on. Guess which one homie decided to take me on? We continued to drive along one way systems, around motorways, up steep hills, manoeuvring my little heart out and then we finally came to a screeching halt. 'Sorry' i murmured, as he huffed and puffed. 'You have failed' he mentioned in a cold monotone of a voice. Twat. The he preceded to tell me how i had upset him. Apparently, going up a steep hill paralleling the likes of Mount Everest, i was doing 20. The signs around me told me to keep doing 20. Therefore, i kept my speed at 20. I was happy doing 20. Hooray for 20. Unfortunately not. It appeared that Fat Boy Slim thought i could have gone a bit faster, and in his mushy little mind made up a scenario that other cars behind me were swerving into side roads because they didn't want to be stuck behind me. The logistical reason that they wanted to go the other way anyways didn't really hold a strong argument with him.

He presented me my green paper full of little marks like i had obtained a degree. Mumbled something about going to find my driving instructor and then left me. He left me there in the car with the pouring sunshine, nursing a cold sweat and feeling dazed and confused. I sat there thinking how i was probably the unluckiest girl in the world for having this examiner. Also i really hadn't done that bad. Plus also wasn't he meant to go get my driving instructor who was waiting in the car park? as i watched him saunter bank into the driving centre. Double twat. Jane my lovely instructor arrived ten minutes later, furious she hadn't been called. Welcome to my world i thought. I had been driving around this arrogant truck loader for the past 40 minutes and he dint even have the decency to say thank you.

I felt a bit down obviously- who wouldn't. I guess it really showed later on in the gym. I sat on the PowerPlate with the inability to do anything. One of the personal trainers came up and asked me what was wrong. I told her my story full of all the twists and turns. She listened attentively. Then she mentioned to me ' Darling you're not the only one. Two girls came in this morning after they had failed their tests in Morden too. Must have been the same instructor not having a brilliant day'. Damn right. It probably was him. Didn't quite catch his name. Triple twat.
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Thursday, 26 August 2010

The last time i saw a walk like that was in Jurassic Park- Miss Congeniality (2000)



Some woman are physically repulsed at the idea of parading around in a bikini and dropping in jewels during the evening gown competition- But i want to take this chance to congratulate the newly crowned Miss.Universe- Jimena Navarette of Mexico. She was one of my sentimental favourites from the beginning along with Miss.USA ( bringing in some Asian flair. I also thought Great Britain had a gorgeous entry- Tara Hoyos-Martinez, but the competition was so stiff, many beauties got left out in the dust.

Many people believe that pageants are going against everything feminists have fought for. I disagree. First of all woman get to 'choose' if they want to participate in a pageant- and especially in these national pageants, courageous young woman are representing their countries in a poised and elegant manner. A lot of responsibility if you ask me. Once you win, it isn't all plain sailing in glamorous photo shoots and media calls, but sincere and crucial charity work.

The beautiful Jimena of Mexico now has a full time job and I'm sure will do her best in handling the year with grace. Its not the easiest thing with a recent example being Oxana of Russia who was crowned Miss.Universe in 2001. However she was unable to handle the busy schedule and therefore was replaced by her first runner up, Justine of Panama.
Nobody seems to say anything about the world of 'Page 3' and 'Glamour' models, yet one easily criticizes a 'pageant', even though these organisations bring in positive changes and are enriched with divine history.

Well done Jimena :)
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Saturday, 14 August 2010

The creation continues incessantly through the media of man- Antonio Gaudi





Spain is almost a second home to me. Since being young i have visited the heavenly beach nation far too many times to count, almost to a point where i got slightly bored of the never ending shorelines and the aura of boozy chilling and finely tuned bodies. I was certain about having the same experience in Barcelona. However, i was in for a surprise.

Barcelona, still being true to its roots has the flowy beaches and hot hanging out hotspots- but it seemed to be slightly more stoic in nature. The gorgeous little package of a city has all the components of a dream holiday, and when unwrapping the ribbon on top, a labyrinth of museums and architecture shows way to a rich history.

La Sagrada Famille was an absolute equisite surprise. The legacy that Gaudi has left behind has prompted one of the most fascinating architectural mission, with modern day architects hoping to finish his work more than over a hundred years later. The painstaking procedure must be something in which the locals take great pride in. The final product will be a must see.

Also to my brothers dire enjoyment was the tour of the Barcelona football stadium. Even though not being much of a football fan, i decided to give him company, and was in awe. The stadium was beautiful and my main point of awe - the changing rooms ! Looked like something out of The Jetsons! Definitely bagging the cool points for future conversations !

Along with that, the gorgeous dusky aura of Port Olympic was a beautiful unwinding experience and the shopping is to die for. Also, i think i may have found a city with the most beautiful people on Earth ! What strikes me most about the distinctiveness of Barcelona is that unlike the other Spanish cities, that thrive on friendly group banter, Barcelona is a romantic haven. Its basically the Paris of Spain:)
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