Sunday, 29 January 2012

You grow up the day you have your first real laugh- at yourself- Ethel Barrymore

I've had a lot of time to think recently. I think about crazy things sometimes. I drive myself nuts thinking about things. Sometimes i can't sleep because i think so much. I worry if other people think i'm crazy when i awkwardly zone out mid conversation because, guess what... I'm thinking. There are some things i think about that i probably wouldn't discuss out in a blog, but i think thinking about the following are socially acceptable:

Embodiment is such a fragile thing. It holds such a personal meaning to you, but it's that very essence of embodiment that gives others a sense of who you are. I want to embody freedom. I also want to embody my right for individuality. Everybody has a weird way of thinking that their opinions are the ones that count- EVERYBODY'S opinions count. I'm a very stubborn person in my beliefs, but i surround myself with people from all walks of life. I like to be different. I suppose I like people to listen to me and think 'WTF'.

I was a late bloomer when it comes to fashion. Even today, i still don't think i get it. However, the stack of fashion magazines in my room indicates otherwise. 'Not quite getting it' doesn't equate to hating fashion. I just wouldn't choose to be loud and bold in my choices- i would rather be understated and bold. Confused ? You wouldn't quite catch me in neon yellow hotpants and a bright pink bra a la Rihanna. I like the idea of gothy glam. Obviously not taking it to extremes , but making it look cool and relatable like my current style idols Demi Lovato and Bebe Rexha. Believe it or not, there's a certain warmth and cutness that comes from understated darker colours with a few spikes thrown in. I believe in the unexpected.

I adore make-up. I really do. However, back in high school i never wore any make-up. I was inevitably labelled 'panda eyes' due to my hereditary dark circles hideously on display. University was the time i started to experiment. I went from poking my eyes out with cheap concealers ( which still didn't do me any favours) to leaving university, with a booming makeup box full of serious beauty business. Along with concealer, my daily look consists of Rimmel eyeliner, Maxfactor mascara, Maybelline blush and my trusty Maybelline Lipgloss. Sounds like effort, but it really isn't. In the morning i do half my makeup at home and the rest on the train. I'm so used to it, i don't even notice ( I would LIKE to think people watching me putting make-up on in the train, are picking up beauty tips haha!). On the other hand, when i have a special event to go to, i definetly put much more thought into it. Foundation, shimmery eyeshadows, fake eyelashes and highlighters all make a suitable entrance- annd i LOVE IT. You would probabably see me taking more of a risk with makeup than fashion. I really want to sport a green metallic lip one day. Maybe. On the other hand, my search for the perfect concealer still continues...

My Weight
My number one fear is psysical taunts. I've experienced them ages ago when i was younger- I don't want any sarky comments about the way I look. I may have grown up and somewhat changed my appearance, but memories will always be memories. It still greatly affects my relationship with my body today. I still have a few extra pounds on me which is the hardest thing in the world to lose. Sometimes i just want to cry into my pillow and wish that I looked like a Victoria's Secret model. I also absolutely despise the 'pretty face complex'. i.e. 'oh but you have a pretty face...if only you lost a few pounds'. Comments like that infuriate me and make me feel even more insecure. It makes me want to eat cheesecake. I MAY lose 10 pounds in the future, or i may gain 10 pounds in the future- But i can guarantee you that i will never go back to being extremely overweight like i was as a teenager. I try to eat as healthy as i can and i try to exercise as much as i can. I honestly do what i can ! It's confusing i know..i get mentally exhausted just thinking about it.

Living my Life to the Fullest
Probably not.......thinking about it- Definitely not. I need to book a one way ticket to America, pack my bags and leave ASAP.

Saturday, 14 January 2012

Everyone has a right to a university degree in America, even if it's in Hamburger Technology- Clive James

Sometimes, nothing interesting or remotely blog-worthy happens for a long time...but then all of a sudden so much happens you cant even comprehend setting time aside to blog. All you want to do in your free time in SLEEP !

I had a friend Marie fly in from America and i spent two days with her. I hadn't seen her for over 3 years and it was amazing to catch up. The way British and American people use their terminology will always baffle me! It was pretty shocking seeing Marie's confused face when I presented her with a plate of chips. She corrected me. It was 'fries'. Trainers were 'sneakers'. We also drive on the wrong side of the road- Even though we speak the same language, the differences at some points were like night and day. I did enjoy learning the differences and , oh the shock, at dinner I accidently pronounced 'tomatoes' in an American way !

Other than that, I rediscovered London on the Big Bus Company and river cruise. It was nice having all the landmarks pointed out. I travel so much through London every week. It was nice to just stop and appreciate it, rather that running around being a tired commuter.

Other than that i took part in a Journalism workshop accredited by NCTJ. The night before I wasn't sure whether to go or not, as i felt as though everyone would be better and more informed with me- BUT I ended up enjoying the workshop so much. They threw you into what a real life news room would be like, and we had to constantly be able to deal with incoming information to cover a breaking news story. It was such an amazing rush and I am so glad I went. It's given me the encouragement to actually feel as though i can do a job, rather than doubting myself.

Other than i'm still at Asian Woman, helping out with the team who are running around crazily sorting out the Asian Bride Show 2012. Hectic !!
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